DEVELOPING POISE

Poise 1. composure or dignity of manner 2. physical balance or assurance in movement or bearing 3. the state of being balanced or stable; equilibrium; stability Poise is a word I hear being used quite often on feminine blogs or on many online articles that discusses femininity, yet among many black women, it's a word they are unfamiliar with. Knowing the meaning of the word is one thing but actually applying it to one's life is a whole different story all together. Being a lady with poise is an art form and for the women who are trying to apply poise into their everyday lives, it's never going to be easy at first. If one studies the above definition of the word, then it would be quite obvious that it is lacking among a lot of women, particularly black women. The thing is, a woman cannot become a lady of elegance and refinement if she lacks poise, or simply do not know how to apply it to her everyday interactions with people.

A woman with poise carries her self differently compared to other woman. She never seem to be in a hurry. She doesn't rush things, or speak hurriedly, everything about her is calm and graceful. When she walks, it's as if she is gliding. She doesn't display sudden outburst of negative emotions and even when she's angry, she never shows it because she knows that the consequences for doing so would be unfavourable. Her home is always well put away because she has respect for the things around her. She understands that things cost money so if she's a guest at your home, she will leave things exactly as they are. She never leaves a mess behind. When she borrows something she returns it promptly and exactly the way it was when borrowed, and sometimes in even better condition. She is never ever tardy. No she does not arrives on dates or events late because she has respect and consideration for others and their time, and she has a great understanding of time management. She is always dressed well because she understands that there is a time and place for everything so she always chose the appropriate attire. Her style is always clean, feminine and elegant, but never offensive. When she's out in public she is always at ease because she has confidence in her self and others. She is never fidgeting or hiding in a corner chewing away at her finger nails because she is never crippled by self doubt. When she arrives at an event she smiles and greet people warmly. If she knows the person personally she always greet them by name because she knows that remembering someone's name is not only important, but it implies having great social skills. She is never checking her phone every other minute or texting at the dinner table because a woman with poise always possess good manners. The poised woman always has a soft laugh. You will never find her laughing out loud while doing the knee slapping and hand clapping gestures because she knows how not to draw negative and unwanted attention to herself.

Vintage black super model Helen Williams. In the 1950s she became the first African American woman to break into fashion mainstream. Without poise and self confidence, she may not have made it as far as she did. This woman is not easily offended by things she has no control over or things that simply doesn't involve her as a person. You will never hear her arguing about race, religion, politics or any other sensitive topics. She is never confrontational, defensive or quick to anger. Many black women are very easily offended to the point where they become difficult to deal with, and as a result, people just avoid them all together. Some women go as far as forcing their opinions and lifestyle on others. This behaviour is extremely unladylike and would only warrant the opposite reaction they are looking for. Please do not mistake being poise for snobbery. A woman who appears to be stuck up is not poise. There is nothing poise about being perceived as mean and unapproachable.

New York socialite Shala Monroque was a restaurant hostess who caught the eye of an affluent millionaire due to her obvious feminine charm and poise. Note the good posture and engaging smile Another thing one would observe about a poised woman is that she always has good posture sitting and standing. When she stands her back is straight and shoulders are relaxed, not rolled over like so many young women today. In fact, one of my pet peeves is bad posture. Things have gotten so bad that it's not uncommon to see a beautiful girl wearing nice clothes but her look is ruined by poor posture. It doesn't matter how well a woman dresses, if she has bad posture then it's only going to make that expensive dress look less beautiful and less expensive. So ladies always pay attention to your posture. See image below

Pay special attention to the ones below so that you'd know where you need improvement I have been on a quest to develop poise because I know that doing so would be quite beneficial. I am still a work in progress, like I said, it's not always easy maintaining a calm composure. It's important to understand that things may arise unexpectedly and you may react without thinking and sometimes you may regret how you may have reacted to a certain situation. At times people would do or say something that may trigger your anger. Of course your first instinct would be is to let them have it. Although you may feel better by telling that person off, remember that by doing so will not benefit you in the end. We as black women must acknowledge that anger (usually associated with masculinity) is the one negative emotion exclusively associated with black women and because of this, people may try to push your buttons just so that they can get that reaction out of you. Some non black people are suspicious of a black women who appears calm and collected, therefor they will test you to see if you would succumb to their teasing and resort to becoming the very stereotype you've been trying so hard not to be. So please be very careful, but never get discourage. You will make mistakes because you are only human. Poise is not something we are born with and it's definitely not being thought at schools anymore, so it will take some time to get where you want to be. P.S. I will be going away for the weekend and I will not have access to a computer or the internet so I have set the comments back the way it was, so you won't have to worry about your comment being approved before it publishes, but please keep it clean and respectful. Thank you my darlings!